Talking to Your Child about their Diagnosis
Getting an evaluation for your child can be a huge step toward increased insight and access to support, and there is often a large financial and time commitment for families to complete an assessment. From attending appointments to completing rating scales, the feedback session can feel like a natural finish line. However, the feedback session is typically used to discuss recommendations and resources based on what was learned in the evaluation. So, in some sense, a new start line emerges.
One recommendation that is rarely listed, but can be critical if your child does not attend the feedback session, is sharing the diagnosis with your child. Although receiving a diagnosis does not change anything about who your child is, there can be a natural, gradual process of integrating this new information into your understanding and conceptualization of your child, as well as their future. Professionals often recommend that caregivers take some time to process evaluation results themselves to ensure that any information shared with children can be as neurodiversity-affirming as possible.
For families who are nervous about how their child may react (you of course know your child best!), you get to decide what makes sense for your family. Anecdotally, many of the children and teens I’ve worked with already suspected they were neurodivergent. The diagnosis validated their lived experiences and gave hope for finding deeper community supports and connections. In other circumstances, children were learning about neurodivergence for the first time and did not have many preconceived notions or internalized beliefs. Receiving a diagnosis was primarily informative and normalized their strengths and growth edges.
When preparing to have these conversations, I encourage families to first discuss and normalize neurodiversity in general. Humans are naturally quite diverse (e.g., different skin tones, different hair textures), so it only makes sense that there would be a huge amount of diversity among the most complicated part of us – our brains! Relatedly, neurodivergence is an umbrella term that includes patterns of brain difference/neurodiversity including Autism and ADHD. These differences are not wrong or bad. But aspects of our sociocultural context have been designed for the “neurotypical” brain, so our environments often do not play to neurodivergent strengths. Knowing our strengths and growth edges (including any relevant diagnoses) can increase self-awareness, foster self-compassion, and promote self-advocacy.
Looking for someone who can help guide you and your child through this process? Get started with Dr. Jess Mandell here!
Resources
● Sensory: Life on the Spectrum by Bex Ollerton
● Just Right for You: A Story about Autism by Melanie Heyworth
● The Awesome Autistic Go-To Guide: A Practical Handbook for Autistic Teens and Tweens by Yenn Purkis and Tanya Masterman
● Neurodiversity and Neuro-Affirming Care Whitepaper by A. Jordan Wright, PhD, ABAP, ABPP