Tips for Nurturing Queer Joy
BY Alexandra Halberstadt, phd
“Queer joy is truly something special. It’s self-acceptance, community, power, and the vibrant celebration of identity. And it transcends mere happiness; it’s about finding authenticity and courage in the face of oppression. It fosters hope, resilience, and belonging, and allows us to keep on keeping on in our collective journey towards liberation.” – Dana Kaplan, Outright Vermont
“Queer joy is a powerful emotion that sustains the fight for recognition and equality for LGBTQ+ people, especially in the face of challenges like gender-based violence and discrimination. But it’s also bittersweet, because it acknowledges the struggles faced by the community while celebrating advancements towards a more just and equal world.” – Dr. Alice Wilson, The Conversation
Look for “glimmers” of joy and cultivate them.
Deb Dana, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in treating complex trauma, coined the term “glimmers” to describe small moments of safety and connection that activate the body’s parasympathetic (“rest and digest”) nervous system. She stated that we all have these at some point, but that we often miss them. By leaning into and cultivating these glimmers, we can have more moments of feeling joyful, safe, and connected throughout the day.
Due to the political and cultural climate, it can be emotionally and physically exhausting as an LGBTQ+ person. The constant news of legislation, deaths, homophobia, and transphobia can put our bodies’ nervous systems on high alert, meaning you are in “fight or flight mode” constantly. Being in this state for long periods can lead to mental and physical health issues. Finding glimmers of feeling safe and connected can decrease nervous system activation. Glimmers can be found in our daily lives, such as enjoying being in nature, engaging with a good book, or being with our chosen families. When you feel this glimmer of joy, safety, or connection, sit with it for a moment. Notice how your body feels, take note of what has created this feeling. Over time, when you notice and pause in these moments, you can increase the time you are feeling joyful, safe, and connected.
Connect and learn about others that are living authentically and joyfully.
This may be people that you already know, and it may be people and stories that you can connect with outside of your social circles. For instance, Alok Vaid-Menon is a South Asian gender non-conforming writer, artist, and actor who advocates for queer and trans joy and self-determination. Blair Imani is a Black, bisexual author and historian, who creates uplifting and educational “Smarter in Seconds” videos. Jessamyn Stanley is a Black, queer femme who advocates for body liberation.
I am a reader and find queer joy in stories of empowered LGBTQ+ individuals: V.E. Schwab’s new book, Bury Our Bones in the Midnight Soul, is a sapphic vampire novel; T.J. Klune’s The House in the Cerulean Seaexplores themes of queer love and fighting oppression in a fantasy world; Becky Chambers’ The Long Way to the Small, Angry Planetexists in a queer universe where LGBTQ+ identities are accepted and normalized (she describes her Wayfarers series as “queer domestic sci-fi”).
Fight against internalized homophobia and transphobia.
Internalized homophobia and transphobia are beliefs that queerness is bad, wrong, or inferior to being heterosexual and cisgender, and this arises from internalizing our society’s oppressive beliefs (Kassel, 2022). Internalized homophobia and transphobia are learned; they are not innate! Internalized homophobia and transphobia can decrease exploration of sexual and gender identities and cause individuals to question the validity of their queer thoughts and feelings or to punish themselves for them. This also decreases the experience of queer joy.
There are some ways to start unlearning internalized homophobia and transphobia. First learning about the long history of queer and trans people can help illustrate how these experiences have existed for centuries. For instance, the hijra of South Asia, the mahu of Hawai’i, the muxe of Mexico, the kathoey of Thailand, and the two-spirit people of many indigenous nations in North America are all trans identities that were respected and thrived before western colonialism and hegemony (Chang, Singh, & dickey, 2018). We Are Everywhere explores queer activism from the 1800s to today and is a great resource to learn about the people that have fought for liberation.
Another way to start identifying internalized homophobia and transphobia is to recognize the thoughts that you have about other queer individuals and start to question them. Do you only accept queer people that “look gay” or that have “opposite gender” partners? Do you feel that queer people should not express their love in public, while not minding if straight people do? Do you shy away from exploring your own thoughts about your sexual and gender identities? You can start to ask yourself if these thoughts are internalized homophobia and transphobia and work towards finding joy in queer identities and experiences.
Recommendations:
Alok Vaid-Menon: https://alokvmenon.com/#about
Blair Imani: https://www.blairimani.com/
Jessamyn Stanley: https://jessamynstanley.com/
Bury Our Bones in the Midnight Soil: https://bookshop.org/p/books/bury-our-bones-in-the-midnight-soil-v-e-schwab/f9e86c5bd3f3c1ef
The House in the Cerulean Sea: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-house-in-the-cerulean-sea-tj-klune/7deab81dfed3bdd9?ean=9781250217318&next=t
The Long Way to the Small, Angry Planet: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-long-way-to-a-small-angry-planet-becky-chambers/41615869f09ec377?ean=9780062444134&next=t
We Are Everywhere: Protest, Power, and Pride in the History of Queer Liberation: https://bookshop.org/p/books/we-are-everywhere-protest-power-and-pride-in-the-history-of-queer-liberation-leighton-brown/452334174cf28cef?ean=9780399581816&next=t&
If you are interested in exploring LGBTQ+ issues or are an individual looking for an affirming therapy space, you can reach out to Dr. Alexandra Halberstadt.