Speak Up for Your Health: Tips for Assertive Communication When Living with a Medical Condition
Living with a medical condition comes with many challenges. Managing appointments, medications, and treatments can feel like a full-time job. At the same time, you may be adjusting to changes in your body and how they affect your daily life. Emotionally, it’s common to feel overwhelmed, uncertain, down, or frustrated. Meanwhile, the world keeps moving—family, work, and other responsibilities still need your attention. Advocating for your own needs can feel like one more thing you have to figure out. It can be hard to find the right words to ask for help or to explain what you’re going through.
Assertive communication can help you express your needs, set healthy boundaries, and teach others how to support you better. Even the most well-meaning friends, family members, and healthcare providers may not always know how to best support you. They may want to help, but without clear communication from you, it can be tough for them to know what you really need. That’s why assertive communication is such a powerful skill. It helps you express yourself in ways that are clear and respectful.
What Is Assertive Communication?
Assertive communication is a balanced way of expressing thoughts, feelings, and needs in a confident, transparent, and respectful manner. Unlike passive communication, where someone might avoid expressing their needs, or aggressive communication, where someone might express their needs at the expense of others, assertiveness strikes a healthy middle ground. It’s about advocating for yourself while respecting others. Think of it as finding your voice in a way that invites others to listen.
5 Benefits of Assertive Communication
Improved Clarity and Understanding
By expressing your thoughts, feelings and needs in a direct and respectful manner, you can reduce misunderstandings and improve quality of support. For example, saying “I’m feeling overwhelmed with all this new information. Can we slow down and talk through the treatment plan again?” helps others know how to support you more effectively.
You’re More Likely to Get the Support You Need
By sharing your needs with your treatment providers, caregivers and loved ones, you are teaching them how to support you better. For instance, if a medication is causing troublesome side effects, you could say, “I’ve been feeling really nauseous since starting this new medication—can we talk about alternatives or ways to help me feel better?” If a friend invites you out but you’re feeling too drained, you might say, “I’d love to see you, but I need to rest at home tonight. Could we do a low-key movie night at my place tonight or lunch at our favorite spot tomorrow?”
Reduced Feelings of Frustration
Your loved ones often want to help, but they might not know how—or they might unintentionally do things that bother you. The last thing you want is to feel frustrated with your friends and family when you are already navigating so much. By practicing assertive communication, you can prevent hurt feelings and lingering resentment. For example, you could tell a friend, “I appreciate your advice, but right now I just need someone to listen.”
More Self-Confidence
Every time you speak up for your needs, you're reminding yourself that you are deserving of respect. You can show yourself (and others) that it is perfectly okay to advocate for your needs. Even if it feels uncomfortable at first, it does not mean you are rude, selfish, or ungrateful. Even small acts of assertiveness can help you feel more confident in your abilities to navigate obstacles. This can be as simple as saying, “I need to take a break now.”
Healthier Boundaries
Living with a medical condition often means careful management of energy and physical and emotional well-being. Assertiveness helps you set boundaries in a kind but firm way. For example: “I’m not up for talking about MS today, can we talk about something else?” or “I enjoyed seeing you today. Next time, I’d like to schedule a visit with more advance notice so I can better plan around my energy levels.”
5 Tips for Assertive Communication
Use “I” Statements
“I” statements help to shift the focus to your feelings and needs, rather than blaming or accusing others. You can try this formula:
PART 1: I feel [emotion] when [situation] because [reason].
PART 2: I need/would prefer [specific need or request].
Examples:
“I feel exhausted when I do too many things without rest. I need to pace myself so I can stay well.”
“I feel stressed when people come by unexpectedly. I would prefer you text or call me before coming over to make sure I am feeling well enough for company.”
“I feel anxious when I am not included in decisions about my care. I need to be involved in these conversations.”
“I feel frustrated when I talk about my pain and you respond with how you are also feeling poorly. In those moments, I need acknowledgement that I am hurting.”
Be Clear and Specific
Express your needs or feelings in a way that’s easy to understand.
Examples:
“I need a ride for my appointment on Friday, could you drive me there at 10 a.m. and take me home after?”
“Can you please carry the laundry basket downstairs for me?”
“Can you please put on a mask while around me? My immune system is compromised and I cannot afford to get sick.”
Practice Saying No
You’re allowed to say no, even to people you care about.
Examples:
“I can’t host Thanksgiving this year, but I’d be happy to bring over my famous pie.”
“I can’t take an extra shift this week.”
“I’m not able to help you move this time. Let me know how else I can be supportive.”
Keep Your Body Language Calm and Confident
Communication isn’t just about what you say, but how you say it.
Examples:
Maintain natural and stable eye contact (without staring)
Relax tense muscles and find a calm and confident posture
Maintain an even tone of voice (your natural pace and volume rather than rushed, whispered or too loud)
Be Open to Compromise
Compromise should not be at the expense of your needs. Instead, it is about practicing flexibility while establishing healthy boundaries.
Examples:
“I can’t be there for the whole event, but I’d love to stop by for an hour and then head home to rest.”
“I know how much you love going out to eat. I struggle with my energy as the day goes on. Can we plan a date for lunch instead of dinner this week?”
“I want to treat this, but quality of life is a priority for me. Can we choose an option that balances both—even if it’s slightly less aggressive?”
Interested in support for navigating life with a medical condition? Reach out to Dr. McDonough…